Few days ago, I struggled with a dilemma: To speak or not to speak. I wanted to tell someone the truth – a piece of my mind about how things could be done. I thought God was speaking to me thru Ezekiel – whom He called to be the watchman: to tell a person doing wrong even though he might not listen so he (Ezekiel) would not be held accountable for the sin committed. (See Ezekiel 33:7-9).
Alas, I hesitated because I somehow felt speaking the truth – even if with good intentions might get me in trouble. So what to do? How do I know if it is really God calling me to speak up? How do I know God’s will? How did God show me to speak or not to speak?
1) Through people: I asked a friend – one who knew the history of the matter; one whom I trust to have the spiritual maturity – to speak objectively and plainly what I needed to hear.
2) Through circumstances (also people): I also thought if I could get others to support me in my idea, then I might be on the right track. But again God closed that door. This 2nd friend showed me another perspective into the matter that I did not see.
3) Through His Word: The next day after speaking with these 2 friends, my daily readings from BibleGateway was from 1 John 5:16: If you see any brother or sister commit a sin that does not lead to death, you should pray and God will give them life. I refer to those whose sin does not lead to death.
And so today, I pray for that person. I pray that the Holy Spirit will intercede with me and for me according to God’s perfect will.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. (Rom. 8:26-27).
I pray that the Spirit will lead me to the right time to say the right words in the right manner with the right motivation: To speak the truth in love because I love my neighbour. For now, I just need to pray and God will give life.
Wisdom is from the Holy Spirit. James tells us to ask God for wisdom without doubting (James 1:5) so that we will become mature and complete as we face trials and temptations in life.
I often could not sleep because I had so many ideas and things to write about buzzing in my head. Instead of tossing and turning, I have learned to just get up and write. What to write about? I pray for the Spirit to show me – what to say, how to say, when to say.
My mentor-professor from the seminary once told me: Let the Spirit visit you. Write about the things that God brings to your mind – those that keep repeating in your mind.
Today, I am still wrestling with many things to write about. I am still wandering and wondering in the journey. There is one thing I learned from all my writing, God wants me to write or speak even if it will help just only one person. God continues to surprise me with his affirmation of his calling for me.. showing me what to say and when to say.. teaching me to number my days that I may gain a heart of wisdom. To number my days is to take every opportunity to write and speak.
