I am often amazed at God’s humor: bringing together my mom and dad. One is hard of hearing and the other loves to talk. I used to visit them every Saturday. One would sit on her lazy boy in the living room and the other lie on his bed in the bedroom. I would sit on the edge of her bed near the sliding door that divides the two rooms. It was funny at times how they both wanted to chat with me – I had to tune one ear to the left and the other to the right. 😅 God’s wisdom to make two ears: one on each side of the head. Alas I only have one mouth against the two of them. 😂 It’s like being interviewed by two eager journalists or two children trying to get their questions answered first.
I so miss those days talking with them. They were my sounding boards, my listening ears, my comfort, my fans, and my parents: no judgement, no barrier, no fear… just love and understanding. 😭😢 Ma and pa, I miss you so!
My mom had hearing aids. She wore them when she went out of the house. Inside, she only wore them when I visit. Why? Because my dad was often asleep. Because my mom could read lips, she did not really like using hearing aids at home. She did when I visit because she wanted to hear what I had to say. Because she liked to listen to my conversation with my dad. Because that is the way we could communicate clearly – no shouting for me and no reading lips for her.
My dad was a good storyteller in his younger days. He had many friends with his outgoing, helpful and friendly personality. He was a good interviewer and a good listener. He could get people to answer his many questions because he really showed interest in their answers. He also had a very good memory. He remembered all the data he gathered in his interviews. 🤣 It was his way with friends – he remembered things that were important to them just as his friends were important to him.
He had a way with words – he often had the knack to calm people who were irritated or upset. One time, we went to see his cardiologist. This doctor had so many patients, we had to book weeks in advance and go early to wait patiently for our turn. That day, the doctor was grouchy and upset (perhaps tired from seeing many patients). He was not happy that we did not have with us my dad’s complete file and checkup requirements and test results. Papa appeased him with praises – saying he was a good (yah hoh 很好) doctor attending to many because he was good (yah gaw – capable). It was not just flattery. He really meant what he said. The doctor was indeed capable. He did not want to accept new patients because he did not want to neglect his old patients. Since that day, because of dad’s kind words, the doctor became more patient with my dad.
I remember the doctor’s kindness in the visit after my mom passed away. We went to get a heart clearance so papa could get his peg procedure. Even though papa was quiet and the doctor did not say much that day, his sad sympathetic face was etched in my memory. 😭 This is hard, writing these sad memories. My body shaking, tears flowing down my cheeks..
Why did I write all these stories? I’ve been reading Proverbs: verses about the tongue, words of wisdom, peace-loving people who wisely speak healing words, comforting words. The lessons this morning from Proverbs speak of living a life of wisdom – peace-loving, peacemakers who value relationships.
Friends might think that my mom was the more dominant parent who influenced me greatly. In many ways, I took after my dad – except that I am an introvert where he was clearly an extrovert. We’re optimists who choose to look at the positive side of things. We tend to take people at their face value – we like to take them at their word – that they mean what they say. You could say that we’re naively gullible. But we know better. Life is more complicated than that.
Let me end with these words that my 92 year old papa said to me one time when I poured out my grief to him. He said: Bee, kang papa kong. Papa tueh di ki toh. (薇，跟爸爸講，爸爸替妳祈禱）(Tell papa, papa will pray for you.)
Proverbs 12:18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 16:24 Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.
