“When your parent becomes your child’ is the title of the book a friend gave me. The author shared the challenges of taking care of his ageing mom. Indeed in many ways, elderly people have similar behaviours of children. Their physical bodies age but their mobility, personality, and often their mental capacity go backward to that of a child. I remember the movie ‘Benjamin Button’ – the character ages in reverse – he was born very old and grew younger as time passed. Reality is not like that.
When I was young, my guama (mom’s mother) helped my mom took care of me and my sister. I remember one time I was sick and she cooked me congee patiently according to the consistency that I wanted. I also recall my guama in her frail physical state – using a stool as her walker to walk to the bedroom to see my eldest, Hannah as a month-old baby. She would say: “叫ah-thai“ (call me great-grandma). She would do this several times in a day. I miss my guama.
One time, I took my mom’s blood pressure. As i put the cloth over her arm (small bone covered by sagging flesh with wrinkled skin), I was sad to see how frail she is. I had to take extra care not to make the cloth too tight. Then another time, it was poignant to see my 92 yr old mother-in-law sitting near the garden in our carpark with her caregiver. Our neighbour’s driver passed by and greeted her with a ‘mano po’ (“Mano Po” is actually a Filipino tradition wherein elders give blessings to the younger person. The one who is receiving the blessing would bow their head, take the right hand of the elder (with his right hand as well), and place it on his forehead. It’s a sign of respect as well to the elder persons when someone younger asked for their hands to “Mano”. – See more at: http://iampinoypi.blogspot.com/…/what-is-mano-po-means…).
When my kids were young, my mother-in-law helped me take care of them. We did not have any yaya (Pilipino for caregiver) until my third child was born. Now, my mother-in-law is the one with the caregiver.
It saddens me that buying food for my parents and mother-in-law is one of the few things I can do for them. For me, it is ‘mababaw’ (shallow). It is easier to buy and bring them food and leave them by their lonesome selves. It takes effort and time to sit with them and just be by their side often. I visit my parents at least once a week. But nowadays, it is rare that I get to talk to my dad when I visit as he is often sleeping. And the times that he’s awake and alert, the most I tell him is ‘Pa, I brought you food (naming what I brought).
All these thoughts made me wonder how I will be when I grow old. I hope I will still have friends to talk to even if only on the phone. If not, I hope I will be lucid enough to have peace and contentment reflecting by myself on God’s goodness and faithfulness in my life. I pray that God bless me to grow old gracefully by His grace and mercy.
Psalm 71 is a good prayer to pray when I am old.
1 In you, Lord, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
2 In your righteousness, rescue me and deliver me;
turn your ear to me and save me.
3 Be my rock of refuge,
to which I can always go;
give the command to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.
4 Deliver me, my God, from the hand of the wicked,
from the grasp of those who are evil and cruel.
5 For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord,
my confidence since my youth.
6 From birth I have relied on you;
you brought me forth from my mother’s womb.
I will ever praise you.
7 I have become a sign to many;
you are my strong refuge.
8 My mouth is filled with your praise,
declaring your splendor all day long.
9 Do not cast me away when I am old;
do not forsake me when my strength is gone.
10 For my enemies speak against me;
those who wait to kill me conspire together.
11 They say, “God has forsaken him;
pursue him and seize him,
for no one will rescue him.”
12 Do not be far from me, my God;
come quickly, God, to help me.
13 May my accusers perish in shame;
may those who want to harm me
be covered with scorn and disgrace.
14 As for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
15 My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds,
of your saving acts all day long—
though I know not how to relate them all.
16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord;
I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone.
17 Since my youth, God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
18 Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, my God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your mighty acts to all who are to come.
19 Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens,
you who have done great things.
Who is like you, God?
20 Though you have made me see troubles,many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.
21 You will increase my honor
and comfort me once more.
22 I will praise you with the harp
for your faithfulness, my God;
I will sing praise to you with the lyre,
Holy One of Israel.
23 My lips will shout for joy
when I sing praise to you—
I whom you have delivered.
24 My tongue will tell of your righteous acts
all day long,
for those who wanted to harm me
have been put to shame and confusion.
