It takes one to know one. How is it like to be in the shoes of someone else? Empathy…the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. I once narrated to a professor friend about the anxiety and stress of being a newbie prof. The experienced prof pal gave a very empathic encouragement: that it is tough to have a full load being a new professor.
Then and there, I am reminded of lessons about being a friend who listens with empathy:
1) Acknowledge that it is a difficult situation he/she is going through.
2) Do not attempt to talk down the difficulty: least of all “It’s alright – it’s going to be fine!” No, it is not! It does not feel that way at the moment someone is going through tough times. When I’m down, telling me “It’s nothing, you’ll be fine. God will see you through.” does not help much. Why? Because I know that – i know in my head and even in my heart, that God will see me through. But I don’t feel like it!
3) What is said would be so much credible if the listener also experienced the difficulty because it made him more credible. He knew how it is to be in the shoes of the person going through tough times.
4) Do not attempt to give solutions. It is instinct to want to help solve the problem. Sometimes, the person going through difficult situation just wants to get some release, to sound out what’s in her mind. This is true of husband and wife too. Husbands, when your wife tells you her problems, she might be asking for empathy than solutions. I know coz that is how I feel.
5) Being a comforter is one that empathize – silence works in empathy. There is no need for words because concern and care can be non-verbal. Presence and company is more than enough.
Paul said in 2 Cor. 1:3-7 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
