But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
–2 Corinthians 12:9–10
When someone dies young or unexpectedly, we often say, “Life is short.” But for many elderly, the days drag on, and time passes slowly. This tension reminds me of a Chinese saying: 求生不得，求死不能. Paraphrased, this saying means: “I ask for life but I cannot have; I ask for death but it is not possible.”
A long life filled with physical infirmities is such a weary life. An old soul without a mate or friends is such a lonely life. A helpless and useless life without a sense of purpose is such a meaningless life.
Yet throughout the trials in my mother’s life, she lived the truth that the grace of Christ was sufficient for her and that his power was made perfect in her weakness.
A day or two after I gave birth to my youngest, when my mother visited me at the hospital, she offered to stay with me even though she was not well. When she told me that her urine was pinkish, I insisted she go home and got a nurse to stay with me. A few days later, she had serious diarrhea and vomiting, which ultimately caused her chronic kidney failure. My sister and I cried over the phone as we realized that mama was seriously sick.
During this time, I realized that she was not a superwoman, because I saw how weak and afraid she was every time I accompanied her to her tests and dialysis procedures. Her arms were like embroidery works from all the needles insertions and piercings. She had little appetite. From a fun-loving and witty lady, she became hallowed and sad. She cried. She lamented all of her sufferings. All of a sudden, she seemed selfish to me. All her life, she had taken care of us, and I never thought about how strong she had been for all of us. I took for granted that she would always give to us and take care of us.
Yet even though my mother became very frail in recent years, she continued to go about the tasks of being a wife, mother, and homemaker. Every Sunday, she would go to the wet market to buy veggies, fish and food, even though I offered to buy for her. She bought her own medicines and those for my father.
While she was weak and recovering from her kidney transplant surgery, she came to my graduation cermony, where she pinned a medal on me for graduating with high distinction for my Master of Arts in Early Childhood Education. As she climbed the stairs to the auditorium, her knees gave way, and she nearly fell.
When she became too weak to be with me physically, she faithfully prayed for me and my family and my sister’s family, including our in-laws. She also prayed for friends with them over the phone.
Thank you, ma for showing me how to depend on God’s grace, to be strong even when weak. Thank you, God for your sufficient grace. Thank you, Jesus for your power is made perfect in my weaknesses. Lord, help me remember that even when I am old, you are my hope, peace, and joy. Help me be strong in you so that I can live with purpose as light and salt to the people around me. Amen.
