There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy drove 19 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails driven into the fence became less because he discovered it was more difficult to drive nails into the fence than to hold his temper.
Finally when the day came that the boy did not get angry at all, the father asked him to pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. As days passed, the young boy finally reported to his father that all the nails were gone.
The father led his son to the fence and said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. It will never be the same. You can stab a man with a knife & draw it out. Even if the wound heals, a scar remains. When you say things in anger, no matter how many times you say sorry, you cannot cover the hole you put in another man’s heart.”
Many things in life might cause my anger. I could ‘excuse’ my impatience and call it ‘righteous’ anger. I was wronged. Sometimes at the bottom of it all is ‘hurt’ pride. Even as I was wronged, slashing back in anger did not right the wrong but led to more mistakes. When I lose my temper, I say things rashly without thought, just to hit back and revel in the pleasure of the moment, to cause more if not as much hurt that I received. A response in anger to another act of anger multiplies the mistakes.
Proverbs 29:22 An angry man stirs up strife (conflict in NIV), And a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression (NASB). A hot-tempered person commits many sins (NIV).
Angry words cannot be taken back no matter how much remorse or regret one feels. Saying sorry no matter how much you mean it cannot take away the hurt and grief that it cause. And sometimes, we excuse our angry words with ‘I am sorry, but I did not mean it.’ We might not mean the words but we say it anyway just to hurt others because that is what anger does. Anger makes fools of us.
Ecclesiastes 7:9 Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, For anger resides in the bosom of fools.
To be wise is to control anger. How? James wrote: Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to become angry. (1:19) “Quick to hear” seems easy but not as easy when we hear angry words, right? First instinct is to quickly take revenge. This is why we are encouraged to be slow to speak. Hold back a little bit. Control my tongue. Many times, I learned that when I stay quiet, when I do not answer back, the argument is ended. I discovered to my regret that pound for pound response in anger makes big mountains out of molehills. When I answer in anger, I provoke more angry words. And the argument continues on and on.
I learned and am still learning that when I hold my tongue, I do not necessarily lose a fight. I win – I am conquering my anger. At the heart of it all, I am taking a hard lesson on humility. To be patient is to be humble… to be at peace… it is alright not to have the last say. To be slow to anger is to let go of the matter.
Patience takes practice. Practice makes perfect. To be perfect is to be mature and complete lacking nothing. To be patient and slow to become angry is to be humble and wise.
James wrote so many lessons on holding the tongue and holding our temper. In conclusion, he wrote:
13 Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behaviour his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. 18 And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. (James 3)
Who is wise? The wise has gentleness of wisdom (v.13).
Earthly wisdom is arrogant, jealous, selfish, demonic, evil, disorderly (14-16). It lies against the truth (14).
Heavenly wisdom is pure, peaceable, gentle, reasonable, kind, fruitful, firm/stable, and genuine (17).
Bottom line: To be slow to anger is to sow the seed of righteousness in peace. How? We attain peace when we are slow to speak and always with the best intention to make peace.
Lord, please help me to be a peacemaker today. Let your Holy Spirit control my tongue that I will be quick to hear, slow to speak, and even be more slow to be angry. Amen.
