(written 12.18.2020 at the height of Covid, months after my m.i.l. passed away. There was no wake, no memorial service, no eulogy, just cremation the morning after.)
If you were to ask me for my qualifications of a m.i.l., number 1 would be ‘not’ one who had an only begotten beloved son she’d be willing to die for. Hubby’s mom gave birth to him when she was in her late 30s. He was literally 天賜 (God-given). His sister is 13 years older.
The first time I called hubby at home, his mom excitedly told me to call again. LOL! She was surprised a girl called his son. And yes, it was me who called him first. 😂 I asked him to return to work (he resigned) to help me with my job. 😅 Our ninang, mom’s good friend wanted to match me with hubby. I said I don’t want any kai siao (Hokkien for matchmaking). But my smart ninang had other means to work things out.
So there I was – getting into the relationship with someone whose mom loved him to the moon and back and I didn’t realize the implications of such a reality. Had I known, I might have run in the opposite direction. But alas, God’s ways are not my ways, His thoughts so much higher than mine. In my innocent ignorance, I got attracted to hubby because he’s tall, witty (he made me laugh), he helped me with my inventory tasks. I was his first and only GF and he was my first and only BF. There was no other more qualified BF/GF in our workplace.🤣
Through 33 years of living with my m.i.l., God showed me His grace is more than sufficient and His mercy never deficient. I learned much from my m.i.l. – how to cook, how to be brave and independent yet God-dependent, strong (not “khin poh nyu” – Hokkien for being fragile ‘princess’; balat sibuyas); stubbornly persevering and determined; getting used to cooking in the middle of the night because hubby’s hungry.
God is humorous. He paired my hard-of-hearing mom with my chatty dad. He matched me who did not know how to cook; do not have passion for cooking, with someone who loves to eat. When we first got married, m.i.l. complained to ninang that I did not even know how to hold the ladle (jian si) properly. I am no master chef just our family’s chief cook. Hubby appreciates my efforts. In the pandemic, he was considerate to suggest and order food elsewhere so I can rest and he can too from my cooking. 😅
There are so many other stories to tell about life with m.i.l. Perhaps I could write a book about it someday. I only started today coz I am now a m.i.l. It is good to hear J call me ‘ma.’ 😄 It’s like gaining a son. I miscarried Gabriel when he was 5 months. After 33 years, God gave me another son. Thank you, Lord.
I thank the Lord that God gave Hannah a m.i.l. beyond what I would have thought or known how to ask. I only asked that perhaps, it would be good if she did not get someone like mine.🤣 God is gracious. He gives even before we ask. He gives more than we know how to ask. When I first met my balae, I said to myself – wow, mabait. She looks kind and gentle. Praise God. I was really glad- more so now after getting to know a bit of her. Most of all, Hannah’s m.i.l. knows the Lord.
So did my m.i.l., I thank God for giving me a m.i.l. whose faith in God compelled her to kneel before Him everyday. She prayed fervently for her son and his family. She served the Lord going on visitations with pastors and church friends. God was her stronghold and refuge when life was not easy, poor and caring for a young sickly son alone, falling countless times and being sick. She often got sick, or colds in the early years of our marriage.
God is good. My mom-in-law returned to her Creator at the ripe old age of 96 (biological not Chinese lunar age). She passed on peacefully at home surrounded by son, daughter in law, 2 grandchildren, 2 caregivers… no COVID, no hospital, no peg, no trach, no dialysis, no discomfort other than what is natural. She survived all other 3 of our parents (6 years more than my f.i.l.; 4 years more than my parents) even though she was the most sickly; fell the most times. She was never hospitalized.
I am no Ruth and she is no Naomi. Ours is not the perfect in-law story. But our God is the perfect author of our lives. I thank God for giving me my mom-in-law. Blessed be His name.
